Reflections

As this year ends we are all forced to look back on the past 12 months.

What we’ve done, how we’ve acted, what roles we succeeded at, and what roles we should work on.

2013 was a year of very large highs and lows. 2013 I married my best friend, my son turned one, and we bought our first house. But 2013 was also a year of struggles. Justin and I struggle with finding a balance among being parents and being newly weds. We struggle with discipline, screaming one year olds, and not taking stress out on one another. We struggle with deciding on having a second child or not. We struggle with saving money verses spending money.

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But 2013 is also a year of internal struggles for myself. I struggle with my job or lack of career. I have a job that pays the bills. I am not passionate about what I do on any level. It’s not challenging and requires very little effort on my end. I’ve always been a person who wants a challenge and needs a passion in their life. So I struggle with leaving and possibly taking a pay cut verses staying and going through the motions.

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I also struggle with my relationship. I struggle with not taking my everyday stress out on my husband. I’m a full time mommy, I have a full time job, and I have OCD. So stress is my middle name. Between trying to calm a screaming baby, who literally only wants his mommy these days, cleaning every nook and cranny in my house several times a day (only to have it messy 5 mins later, again I have a one year old) and trying to get work done so I can still keep my job, I’m running on fumes by the end of the day. So when I have an adult to have a conversation with, I literally only complain and decompress everything on him. Somehow I need to find a better way to relieve the stress of the day without bringing my husband down to my level.

Another personal struggle I have is this blog. I struggle with finding my voice. I’ve always had a love of writing. I mean I was 8 years old writing a children’s column in our neighborhood newsletter. But I struggle with what to say. I feel like my voice is one of a mother and a wife. I’m passionate about fashion, and health and fitness. But do I have enough to say to focus on any of these topics? So I find myself lost a little on where to go with this thing. But then there are days that I just have things on my mind and I just want to write. (My husband can attest to this, as I have many “diary” entries on my Macbook) So when I get on here I don’t really know what is going to come out on the page. I struggle with deleting the blog all together, because it’s an outlet for me to get things out.

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But at the end of the day 2013 was a year of lessons. I can look at the future of 2014 and think to myself that I am going to grow and do things better this coming year. My husband keeps saying that 2013 was a year of learning and growing, and now 2014 is going to be our year to enjoy our lives.

So thank you 2013 for teaching me so much. And here’s to 2014 and to a great year ahead!

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